Stories Along the Way

Everyone has things they want to do; maybe some of you reading this have things you wish you had done, or could do now. I don’t know many people my age who have a clear vision of what they want in life, and I’m no different. Although I don’t have a defined path, I do have definite finish lines I will cross.
And this post has been a long time in the making, and maybe it’s because I know if I put it out there then there’s no turning back; quitting isn’t a possibility. And maybe knowing that I will (have) to do it all scares me a little. That being said, I still want to put this down on (digital) paper, if for nothing more than to look back and say, “I freaking told you I’d do it all”, not in a condescending way, but in a proud way. Maybe I’ll even say it with a cape blowing in the wind…if you’re lucky. Here are the destinations, with some little bit of my maps to get there.
First is school; I’m not just talking exercise science. I want a degree in kinesiology, as well as in nutrition so that I can understand my body as an athlete, as well as be a better coach for my athletes. USAT, USAC, USATF certifications go along with school, but there’s more that I want from school than strictly sport/coaching related degrees. I want a degree in something literature; I really enjoy writing, and I’ve been told I’m pretty decent at it, so that would be fun. Maybe I could even write for some of the big tri mags; race reports, athlete bios, training and racing columns. And then there’s sport psychology. I’ve always been able to read people, and I was the one people came to in order to fix their problems (ironically I can’t get my own poop in a group, but that’s a different post), and I really enjoy fixing/helping people. Yeah; I did say sports psych…so maybe all of these things are sport related, but it’s not just one part of our glorious disciplines, so that’s something.
This one is definitely not in sports; without going to much into it(that’s for a later post) I want to be fixed. No; not like a dog, but emotionally. I tend to put on masks to hide certain things I would consider weakness; nothing big, and true character still shines through, but fine really doesn’t ever mean fine. I know I’m not alone in just burying things and letting them fester without ever thinking about them until they’ve completely decayed; causing reservations and breakdowns. And I run people off when they get too(matter of opinion) close; that’s a problem. It’s a problem that is, however, being worked on now through different things, but the very very base reason behind it has to be found out first. WE (yes; I broke down and asked for help which I really REALLY didn’t want to do) are working towards that. I don’t really like putting this out in the open either. I’ve left it greatly shrouded, but it still kind of feels like a weakness letting people know everything isn’t all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. It’s a work in progress…like I said; that’s its’ own post later.
Last, and arguably the biggest and hardest to achieve, is what I want from this sport. For me, and probably most of you out there, this is far more than just a hobby. To me; it’s a stress reliever, an escape, a chance to be alone with myself (which sometimes is a bad thing), a way to push myself through pain and grow, as well as getting a sense of accomplishment at the end of each race and training session I’ve yet to find doing anything else. I could go on, but I’m supposed to be telling you what I want from the sport, so here it is. I want to race on the elite level. Maybe I’m a little nieve saying I know that’s a HUGE commitment and sacrifice and almost unreachable, but what’s the point in setting goals if they’re easy? I’ve only been doing this for…21 months…and I’ve done ok, but AG podiums aren’t what I’m chasing. 3,4,5 years from now, I WILL be where I want in this sport; I (and pretty much anyone who has ever met me) knows I have the drive(or stubbornness) to get there, and I everyone knows I have the pain threshold (or lack of one) to reach it. The next step right now is to break down my 5year plan, and find a coach that I mesh with, as well as who pulls everything out of me. I’m tired of ending every session/race/season thinking, “I have more”. More on that later.
School to coach, then write, then psychoanalyze athletes; fix myself to accept, well, emotions; reach the elite playing field. Those are my goals; a kind of 5-10 year plan, and since quitting doesn’t exist in my mind, I’ll reach all of those goals. The routes may change, and detours will appear, but the final destinations won’t change. New goals may pop up during the trek, and new ones will be realized once I reach them, but For now; it’s about the journey, and how many stories I’ll have by the time I reach the end.

4 thoughts on “Stories Along the Way

  1. It’s incredible that you are able to open yourself up and be so brutally honest about your life. It’s not easy to do. And it helps other people overcome their fear of doing so. Never quit. Keep along your path. And keep sharing it with others. You truly don’t know the impact it has…but it does. Thanks for that Josh.

  2. It’s hard putting all these thoughts down..I know, i’ve tried to do it myself :). Good on you for figuring out what you want most!!!

    Hope to see you at some Rev3 races!

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