I’ve known a few Alle/Allie/Ally…s, dated a couple of them, but I don’t believe any of them were as angry as the the one mentioned in this post’s title. Alle believes I’m cheating on her, having an affair that could only be paralleled by that of Cleopatra and Antony. She’s delusional. I don’t date (anymore), so its a little hard for me to cheat, even more so to have an affair. I suppose I’m kind of seeing this sexy little thing named Cassia, but we’re not exclusive or anything. In fact, I hop on Alle at least once a week, and show her just as much love. And she’s been in my life longer, so she has to mean something to me! But Alle doesn’t see it that way, and because of that, she hurts me. She hurts me quite often, or she at least does her best to ruin my day. Today, with some dark alley collaboration with the downtown Airport Ride, she did just that. Flat number 1 in the parking deck pumping her up, and number 2 a mile of Georgia Tech campus. By the way; Im talking about one of my bikes if you haven’t figured that out. What did you think I meant when you read about me hopping on her?! Come on now…get your head right.
Today I attempted to ride downtown at a local fast paced group ride known as the Airport Ride. This is a roadie’s route, and I wouldn’t dare show up on my plastic tri bike. My first big race this year is a draft legal ITU triathlon in San Diego, so I have to get used to the the road geometry and the muscles it uses. And the shorty aero extenders, those are fun too. So on the weekends, I ride Alle . My very first ‘competition’ bike that I rode during my very first triathlon. After my first season, I upgraded to a tri bike (FELT B16), Bella. Before you ask, I name them in order that I buy them; First starts with an A, second with a B, ect ect… But yeah; I rode Bella my second season, and then sold her when I purchased Cassia. We parted ways without any issue, and I hope she’s getting plenty of miles in with her new rider. Alle on the other hand…
Like I said, I bought Cassia when I was blessed with making it onto the TRAKKERS roster last year. Alle, although I had tried to sell her a couple times, just wouldn’t leave. There were people who showed interest, but life and careers took president, and Alle was forgotten. She just hung on my wall, staring at me, begging to be taken out on the roads…or so I thought. Well finally I met a kid who was getting into triathlon. He’s close to my height, and I thought at best all he’d need to do was change the seat post height and maybe the stem. So I let him have Alle, and we developed a ‘payment plan’ that consisted of him paying me when he could. On the day I dropped Alle off, I sliced my finger on the chain ring, tripped with her going down the stairs, and got grease all over my new jeans…and face…Still trying to figure that one out. She knew something was up, and she lashed out again when we arrived at the locale where I was to send her off on her next life chapter. How you ask? By letting her fork whip around and smack me in the temple. Long story short, the guy couldn’t pay, and I made his life kind of annoying, and he gave Alle back. We’ve gotten along pretty well since then, but like I said…she’s a very jealous girl.
Last week while coaching a ‘bootcamp’ for the Georgia Tech triathlon team, I didn’t have a group ride, so I spent all of my cycling hours on Cassia. Today, Alle retaliated by flatting in the parking deck. Then again maybe a mile off campus. I’ve gotten REALLY good at changing flats, I have enough of them, and I know I didn’t miss anything when I checked the tube before I pumped her tail end up. How do I know she was still angry? When I got home, I changed her tube again, and swapped the pedals to Cassia so I could hop on the trainer with her. But not before she attacked me agin with her teeth that are the big chain ring, slicing a solid inch into my nail bed. And embedding her venomous chain lube into my blood stream. So she’s sitting against the back wall, and will do so, until she apologizes…or until my coach tells me to get back on her.
Moral of the story? Just because it’s an inanimate object doesn’t mean it hasn’t developed consciousness and a relationship with you…didn’t they make a movie about that? Did we win?